Updates

Its funny how life has ways of telling you - TAKE IT EASY! I have been working my butt off through my first trimester and man was it hard. But now that I am in my 2nd T and feeling a but more normal, it is hard not to just go at full steam! It is hard having to choose to sit tight and let others do things on my behalf. When I ask my Hubby for a back rub after a grueling day I fee like a Diva....I hate asking for stuff!

I got my first bloody nose yesterday morning. Nothing bad, but definitely had blood on the tissue when I blew. Crazy. Also I have started collecting pillows all around me at night. I was absolutely surrounded last night. I doubt Jer could even see me! I must invest in one of those long body pillows - SOON! Also, the bump has officially arrived and the lil flub I had on the waist before getting knocked up is slowly being pushed up and out! Arg! I am only 3 mos and I look like I am six when I am REALLY relaxed. But when I was hovering over the stove last night in my maternity clothes...my Hubby remarked on how awesome I looked all prego! It was funny and touching. Man am I glad I got him all brainwashed!

Other then that I am feeling better, but have had some random occurrences of Morning sickness. It is terrible! I think I had totally blocked all that out of my mind a few weeks ago...long enough for me to forget how horrible it is...then WAMO! In the car both times! I am so happy I never took my sick bag out of the car!

I am getting EXTREMELY anxious about finding out the sex! Every chart I plug my info into says Boy - but I REALLY want to know! Ya know? We have our next check up at 18weeks on the 17th and will have the u/s to find the sex out sometime in mid Jan. Man I wish that would come ALREADY! I'm too impatient!

13weeks

Baby is VERY active and has a crazy strong heartbeat!

Starting to Smile Again

Man, were the first three months a doozy! I was seriously beginning to think I was going to be prisoner to puking forever! My worst fear was potentially facing feeling terribly my entire pregnancy! However, I am happy to say I have not puked in almost two weeks and man does it make a difference! I am actually starting to smile again! Go figure! Not to say I am one of those crazy ladies who love every waking moment of being prego, but I am feeling like the old Shan again....well little by little anyway. Now if I could just get proper sleep and say goodbye to soar boobs I would be one happy camper!

My newest struggles include the outrageous acne that slowly takes over my face through out the day. On Monday I was perturbed as to why ppl had stopped making eye contact with me....until I got home and discovered I have 3 GINORMOUS whiteheads on my chin....so foul! I shower and my hair is an oil slick be night time. Uhg. Oh and like clock work I hit 3mos and inherrited heartburn....even if I am just drinking water! Uhg. That and I am already walking with a waddle. Yeah a frickin waddle. I thought that wouldn't happen until at least the END of the 2nd trimester!!! But to avoid lower back pain later on in the evening, I now walk with a flippin waddle!

Well before I go off the prego deep end I will conclude this entry. I really am feeling a sense of calm about me. I am giddy again and it feels nice! I have another ultrasound on Wednesday to check for Down Syndrom - so I am sure I will get a few new pics then!

Is it too soon to celebrate?

I haven't thrown up since Sunday! Can you believe it? I can't! But I keep asking myself, is it too soon to celebrate? I am weary. Now that is not to say that I have not had my waves of nausea. But to actually be able to keep my meals down is splendid. The only down side is now I REALLY have to watch what I eat! I have found that Ginger Ale is FINALLY providing me some relief when I feel a wave hit me. Hell I was in the shower the other night and felt it coming....so I banged on the wall for Jerry to come...he came...I requested Ginger Ale (in the shower)...He asked me if I would like a sandwich with that....I replied - SMART ASS! lol. So there I was in the shower sipping me Ginger Ale. I totally reminded me of the Friends episode where Vegetarian Phoebe is preggers with her brother's triplets and she smells something she wants....so she goes into the bathroom where Joey is taking a shower. She tells him there is something in the shower that smells REALLY good....after eliminating shampoo, soap and all the normal stuff - he pulls out a sandwich filled with meat and that turns out to be what she wants...

A Shower = Awesome
A Joey Style Sandwich = Crazy
A Joey eating a sandwich in the shower = Crazy Awesome!

Anywho, I am REALLLLLLY hoping this throwing up thing is behind me! Can it get any better then that? I submit that it CANNOT!

So Many Mixed Emo's

So last night just before I went to bed my mind started wondering like it typically does. However, this "mind trip" was an emotional one. I freaked out as to whether or not I am REALLY ready to be a mommy. Not in the sense that - will I be able to care for my child, but rather do I possess enough character and substance to shape another life. With the exception of getting married and staying happily married, I really do not feel like I have accomplished much to be proud of. I want my child to see me as someone to look up to and to want to be like. When I REALLY see myself, I just see someone who "fakes it really well." I have fear that I will continue to fake it, until I am seen as a fraud. I have big ideas but I usually quit before the finish line. It would be great to be able to finish something and be proud and successful. I know that success is in the creative mind's eye....but how do you bring yourself from just being creative to actually being successful?

Man I would love to just mentally check out for a bit. Thinking can be tiring!